1 Step Forward, 2 Steps Back

I have to admit I still get frustrated with our son's medical situation.  It has been 8 years since doctor's shattered our world with the Asperger's diagnosis for our 3 year old son.  Upon receiving this diagnosis we grieved the loss of a "normal" little boy.  Our son would most likely not be doing the things that most little boys were doing.

We decided to put everything we could into getting our child to a better place in life.  We sat in therapy rooms, and doctor's offices for years.  Elijah has grown by leaps and bounds.  He has made more progress than we could have imagined. 

We have been pleased for some time with Elijah's progress, but it has seemed to me that for every step forward, we take two steps back.  Elijah progresses in an area, but falls behind or regresses in others.  We have prayed over our precious boy for years.  We know in our hearts God has a plan for our son.  We know he will continue to progress. 

I know for me, I have to keep focused on the progress he has made and not on how far he still has to go.  When I start to think to far ahead, I panic.  I don't have all the puzzle pieces and it's hard to see what puzzle I am working on. 

Frustration subsides when I look at the progress he has made.  Elijah talks, he feeds himself, he can calm himself down on his own most of the time.  God is in control and I know he will continue to give us strength through this life storm. 

When I look at the big picture I realize that with every step forward, we get a new piece of the puzzle.  We are not actually taking steps back.  God will be glorified through Elijah's life whether I can see it or not.  I love my sweet son so much, it's hard to watch him struggle.  I know that he understands God, which in his world means a lot.  He accepted Christ last year and chose to be baptized. 

God is working in him and in us.  We continue to pray for him and for direction on how to help him.  Sometimes we try too hard to help Elijah, we have to just hand him over to God, and in due time God will hand him back to us.  I have peace in my heart that Elijah will have a life that will help others see how big our God is.

Comments

[Beth Houser White]

allie, thank you for sharing this. elijah has very specific challenges in his life...& that means special challenges for you guys as his parents. as parents, we all need to remember that our children don't really belong to us...we're only entrusted w/ them for a time & that ultimately it's our Heavenly Father who is working in them...we're only His instruments @ this time, in this place. thank you for sharing this & for allowing God to use the circumstances of your family's life to bring Him glory. to know this is "HisStory" that He is writing through each of you. will be praying.

[Allie Marmion]

Beth, thank you. You are right, our children are on loan from God. Thank you for your prayers:-)